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The Psychology Of Infidelity

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Infidelity is the act of unfaithfulness to a person, union or situation. Marriage infidelity is a common phenomenon that is almost as equally participated in by wives as well as husbands.

There is a significant amount of time dedicated to the subject. Everything from talk shows to weekly dramas, rely on the topic of infidelity for ratings.

How to avoid and/or survive infidelity are usually the topics. But rarely does one address the psychology of infidelity. People cheat for various reasons - but they all do it for some sort of psychological stimulation. Here are the main psychological roots of infidelity.


Insecure adulterers may feel insecure about the fortitude of their marriage. The insecurity may be personal, whereas one feels unworthy of their spouse. They don't feel on equal level to their spouse and always fear that they will lose their spouse and marriage. The fear becomes great in these people and they seek ways to resolve it. Believing that the dissolution of their marriage is inevitable, they never consider options such as counseling. Instead they turn their attention to minimizing their fear and pain. This is where an affair enters. The affair serves as security for if the marriage ends. The adulterer feels that they have a safety net to rely upon. They may also choose a partner who they feel equal or superior to. This temporarily relieves their feelings of inadequacy.


The controlling adulterer cheats in order to feel powerful. They may not have any, or what they deem to be enough control in their marriage. There are several ways in which lack of control manifests into an extramarital affair. The adulterer may choose a person who is easily controllable. This is prevalent in domineering types and/or spouses who are dominated. Since in their marriage they relinquish control, sometimes to the point of abuse, they resolve their frustrations in an extramarital affair.

The second way one feels controlling in an affair is the ability to choose and select. In a marriage, compromise is essential. Many spouses do it willingly, but some do it unwillingly. Having an affair, especially an unserious one, allows the adulterer to control how, when and where the relationship unfolds. One can establish the rules and manipulate



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