Platonic Relationships?

Are we really "Just Friends?"

Can men and women be "just friends" - or will one person always feel more romantically inclined toward the other, making interaction awkward for both parties? Society has long been fascinated with this question, to which almost everyone claims to have an answer. Or at least an opinion. In a Time Magazine article, published in the September 1st 2003 issue, Pamela Paul decided to put in her two cents regarding this phenomenon. The article, "We're Just Friends. Really!" explores real-life platonic cross-sex relationships, surveys and polls, as well as what researchers conclude in answering this puzzling question. Overall, the article argues that despite the complexities, many men and women manage to make long-term platonic relationships work.

When studying gender communication, topics such as relationships between men and women come up often. In the Communication and Gender course at The University of Kansas, we will be reading about friendships between men and women in chapter eight of the text book, Gendered Lives, written by Julia T. Wood. In this chapter, she discusses how friendships between genders pose distinct challenges; however they do offer a chance for growth (Wood, 2006, pg. 190). Our culture is full of pressures to conform to romantic and sexual relationships in order to be seen as a successful human being. Because of these ongoing pressures, it is difficult for men and women to not see each other in sexual terms (Bingham, 1996; Johnson, Stockdale, & Saal, 1991). We have also discussed in the course, the factor of sexual hormones that adds to one bias that men and women could never be "just friends." Wood does differ from this belief by explaining that in these types of friendships, each person does benefit from one another. In general, a primary benefit in the friendship for women is the companionship and less emotional factor which is not always available with their female friends. As for men, they tend to truly value the open door for the expressive and emotional support from women, which friendships with other men tend not to offer (Wood, 2006, pg. 190). During an in-class activity, we were asked to answer true or false to certain beliefs about sex and gender issues. One of the beliefs stated that women generally valued friendships more than men, and the consensus showed that this was a false statement. Many of the males expressed that they appreciate their friendships with women because they can be real with their emotions and talk when they need to most. The book agrees with the men from the class and states, "In cross-sex relationships, men generally talk more and get more attention, response, and support than they offer. A majority of both sexes report that friendships with women are closer and more satisfying than those with men" (Werking, 1997). The book and class discussions make many good points that men and women can be "just friends" however, just from the information in the book and lectures, there is not enough to make theory factual.

Personally, I agree with both sides of the argument. I believe that women are more able to have a purely platonic relationship with men based on hormones and what females have to offer them. In a major 1988 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 150 professional men and women were asked what they liked and disliked about their cross-sex friendships. The number one dislike of men was sexual tension, while the men, on the other hand, sexual attraction was their main reason for initiating a friendship (Medicinenet.com).

Within platonic friendships, the men and women often share similar lifestyles, standards and principles, provide emotional constancy, and compliment each other. With these parallel connections, how can it be possible to not feel any sense romantic feelings? In the article, they discuss that part of this

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