Illegal Immigrants in America

Ronald Chump was in a good mood. His campaign to be President of the United States of America was going exceptionally well. He was the presumptive candidate for his party, his supporters were adamantly faithful, and people actually believed the ridiculous things he was saying. He would be giving a speech in a few minutes, and it’d be all too easy. He’d get on, say a bunch of useless facts, restate his “opinions”, and address questions with answers that weren’t really answers.

The person before him called him up to the stage. Ronald Chump got up, walked to the podium, and began to speak. He tried to look as if he meant what he said.

“There are literally, millions and millions of illegal immigrants in America. As of 2008, 4% of our country was illegally here. That statistic is higher than any other country in the world. (Illegal Immigration Around the World) The studies say 11 million (Markton), but according to a very, very reliable source, there could be twice as much, 22 million immigrants here, illegally in America. (Elbel) And there’s more and more, pouring into America this very moment. And these immigrants? They’re stealing from us, our tax money, our jobs. And they’re getting jobs illegally, getting paid illegally, and getting fired illegally. Because of those illegal Mexicans, our workers, our hard-working, American workers, are receiving lower wages than they should. (Camarota)

These illegal immigrants, these rapists, drug dealers, and criminals, are coming here, from Mexico, illegally, and the only way to stop them is to build a wall, a huge wall, that will cover every single inch of our border. I will personally oversee the building of this wall, and trust me, I excel at building walls. When we stop the criminals from coming in, we’ll get rid of every single illegal immigrant in this country! And we’ll change the immigration policy, so the really honest, good, hardworking immigrants can get back in. Because our immigration policies are broken, and out of date. (Holland) We’ll get rid of the rapists, drug dealers, and criminals, stop them from ever coming back, and make America Great Again!”

Those last words he shouted, because it was his catchphrase, along with “you’re hired”.

“Now, I’ll be taking questions.” His job was almost done. All he had to do now was answer the same questions with the same answers, and everybody would be happy.

“Mr. Chump, I’d like to tell you that your viewpoint is absolutely and undeniably fallacious.”

There was a din of chatter among the supporters. Not all of them were friendly. Most of them weren’t.

Chump groaned inwardly. This kind of event wasn’t supposed to happen, and he had hoped it never would. For a minute, he grappled with the idea of ignoring the speaker, but came to the conclusion that it was too late for that. He instead decided to call the speaker up. He’d ridicule him, refute his words, and retain his position.

“Why don’t you come on up so you can discuss your position on my policies? Because there is nothing wrong with them. If there’s anything wrong, it’s you, and I’m going to show each and every person here that it’s true.”

The man came up, and he took the podium.

“All of the facts you gave, the statistics, the numbers, they’re all correct. I can’t deny that. 4% of the population is here illegally, and more are trying to enter every moment. But then, Mr. Trump, how do you explain the fact that the number of illegal immigrants in our country is actually decreasing? In 2014, the total number of illegal immigrants that entered the country was 230,000. (Preston) That was also a decrease! It’s ridiculous!”

Chump was relieved. He was prepared for such lines of questioning.

“Just because the number is decreasing doesn’t mean it’s not a problem. There are illegal immigrants trying to get across this minute! I want to solve that problem, because there are rapists, drug dealers, and criminals in there, already in our country, more trying to get in. The best solution to that is, obviously, to build a wall. Build a huge wall, so nobody can get in, and guard it. And we’ll get rid of the illegal immigrants, and fix our immigration policy. Then we’ll let them back in again. Not the drug dealers, the criminals, but the hardworking, honest ones. Because there are some honest ones.”

Finishing, Chump gestured at his challenger to speak. And speak he did.

“ Look, that whole wall idea has already been tried, Mr. Chump. In Greece, 2012, they built a fence on its border on its border with Turkey, to try and stop the refugees trying to enter. (Greece to Build Border Fence to Deter Illegal Immigrants) Guess what happened? The refugees broke down the fence, with battering rams, metals and entered Greece - illegally. (Migrants Break down Macedonia Fence on Greek Border) The point isn’t whether or not you can build a wall that’s strong enough or not, Mr. Chump, but that building a wall isn’t addressing the real problems. We don’t need to get rid of the illegal immigrants. Illegal immigrants actually help our economy by doing the jobs nobody wants to do. They account for 25% of all farming jobs, 20% of building and groundskeeping jobs, and another 20% of construction jobs. (Demographics of Immigrants in the United States Illegally) Getting rid of the illegal immigrants will leave a huge gap in our economy.”

Chump knew when he was cornered. But he couldn’t back down now. It would mean that all he’d been saying for the past year would be false. The voters would turn away. His presidency would become a thing of the past. The press would rush in like piranhas, and rip him bare. He had to do whatever he could, and he would do it, if it meant he would win. Chump snatched up the microphone and began.

“Sure, getting rid of them will leave a huge gap in our economy. But if we don’t start changing, we never will. Now let’s hear your solution. Tell us, what’s this miraculous solution that you are suggesting? We leave them alone, so they can take our jobs? Our money? Do we let them bring the extended families of their extended families? We don’t have all day.”

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