Are We Intimate Enough?

Sherwin Lee

Dr. Thomas Argiro

Comporal 3

29 Apr 2016

Are We Intimate Enough?

"Our souls crave intimacy, (Raphael, 2006)" Erwin Raphael McManus, an iconoclast who is known as a cultural pioneer for his writings and lectures on topics such as culture, change, creativity, and leadership, once wrote. Indeed, in the deepest part of our mind, we all crave intimacy either consciously or unconsciously. No human being can withstand the excruciating feeling of loneliness. For instance, babies, and children crave intimacy with parents so as to feel safe and protected, and scientific researchers long for intimacy with the natural world, so that they may become more acquainted with and learn more from nature. However, some people now tend to “force the growth in intimacy” by practicing unsuitable or overly-close interactions that are meant to be applied “after” becoming more intimate. Therefore, I find it important to elaborate on one kind of intimacy, which is the intimacy of friendship.

The degree of intimacy generally determines the level of one’s interaction with another person; but, what is the underlying definition of “intimacy?” I realized that my own interpretation of intimacy is quite the same as the one in Shana Schutte’s essays “What is the Definition of Intimacy? What does it Mean to be Intimate?” Shana Shutte is an online essayist who writes about marriage and relationships. She states that the actual meaning of intimacy is “in-to-me-see. (Schutte, 2009)” Schutte was absolutely right about this, since intimacy is simply a blending of our hearts with another’s; therefore, it would be able to see into each other, and share one another’s inner feelings.  

As what I have mentioned, the degree of intimacy in any relationship essentially determines the level of one’s interaction with another person. Yet this concept has been flipped around since some people have started making attempts at upgrading intimacy level by practicing closer interactions. I noticed that some of the students around my age tend to “force” the growth of intimacy between themselves and others by practicing interactions that do not fit with their present degree of intimacy.

For example, I accidently made a new friend that almost freaked me out by one simple gesture. Last summer, my friend Hugo and I sat inside a barbecue restaurant, eating and having a great time. However, Hugo’s phone ran abruptly, and it was a call from his cousin, Sanders, mainly asking where Hugo was, and saying that he would like to join us. A few minutes later, Sanders showed up. Sanders was a cool and outgoing guy, and indeed, he was a professional talker that forbade any second of silence among the three of us. Nevertheless, that was one of the point for which I found him quite terrifying, simply because I did not think that we were that intimate enough to have a non-stopping conversation composed of tons of unsolicited information.

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