Poetry

Sitting here,

Longing for your smile.

For your sweet voice,

For your warm embrace.

Alas, I dream

Of such impossible things.

For you will never be mine,

But I will always be yours.

Cookie,

First off, I don’t know why I’m writing this letter. It’s not like I can ever tell you any of this. I guess I had to tell you one way or another, so maybe if I wrote this, I could talk to you without, well, talking to you. Over the last few months, I’ve seen and heard some shit. All of it was confusing, except for one thing; one thing that became clear as fucking day as soon as I saw it: I fell in love with you, and I still am. If I told you this, I’d probably only be disrespecting what you and Angelo have, so this is gonna stay here, unopened, unread, and unknown to anyone except me and anyone I might show this to. Anyway, I’ve accepted that you and I are never going to have anything, but I needed to get this off my chest, and this is the only way I know how. I want to tell you how badly you fucked me up: how I wanted to punch a hole in the wall, cry myself to sleep, and at times just end it all, but at the same time I wanted to be with you, to feel your embrace, to hear your voice, to see your smile…to have your kiss. I realized how far gone I was with this stupid fantasy, and that I let you destroy me by continuing to fantasize about all this shit. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m confused. I’m in despair. I’m all kinds of fucked up. You told me you didn’t mean to hurt me, but you did. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I did. But I’m not mad. I was stupid enough to fall for you, to fall for someone that was never gonna want me the way I wanted her, to fall for a dream. Even now I’m wondering why I’m still so in love with you, when you’ve done nothing but hurt me. I’m such a fucking idiot. People keep telling me that I’ll find someone else but right now I DON’T WANT ANYBODY ELSE. I WANT YOU. I NEED YOU. I don’t know what to do anymore. I hate this shit. I hate all of it. Look, I’m in love with you. God I’m in love with you, but fuck. I don’t know what I want. I’m out.

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